do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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