Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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