seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
