hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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