i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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