I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
