i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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