I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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