i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
