I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
