How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
