So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
