i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
