he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
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Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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