We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
