I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
