How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
