Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
