He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
