I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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