Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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