Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
