I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
