Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
