to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
