so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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