fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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