i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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