dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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