I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your penis caused this!
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