My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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