i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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