I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
