never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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