What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
