my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
