drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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