yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
