i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
