Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
