Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
