the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
