had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Someone came in the potted fern
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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