I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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