he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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