If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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