I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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