Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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