He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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