my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
