doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
