billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
