WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
