at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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