I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize