Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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