He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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