I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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