How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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