Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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