I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
