No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
