i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
