He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
In America we eat man semen.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
