mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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