not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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