I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
