i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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