can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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