well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
