Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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