and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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