I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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