That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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