It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
