I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize