im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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