hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
