Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My cat gives me a boner
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
