this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
