i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
