why do cheetos always look like penises
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
