Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
