Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would ride that face into the sunset
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
