Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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