some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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