rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is wine microwaveable?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
